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So, why don’t we start over here…

If you read ‘Bangkok’ in the post title, thought Thailand, and expected images of temples and Thai curries, or island tings in this post – or whatever other ideas you have about being a tourist in Thailand – hade (sori) boss, there’ll be none of that.

Look, that sort of stuff just doesn’t appeal to me. It gives me no joy going to a “place of interest”, and paying a fee to (wait for it) look at stuff. Nah, bee! I can look at stuff on the streets for free all day. Call me whatever, but, you know, I derive absolutely no joy from it. It also feels very primary-school-tour-like, you know. And I don’t miss Mejuffrou Venter for shit, so…

I’m out here trying to get lit, not learn about folk that lived many moons ago. I can pick up a book for that.

Now that I’ve just shat on your entire life and your love for seeing sights, let’s go….

I landed here on Monday afternoon hella confused about what day it is and such, because obvs I am trying to chat to my fellow Saffers online and most of them are, like, still trying to get to work. Right, right, right… So, I jump into an Uber to take me to the hostel I booked for the week, and a lovely Thai lady who speaks not a word of English is picking me up.

Before I proceed, let me just say, this bustling city is just awesome! I love it so much here. I kinda wished I lived here. Skytrain vibes, pretty buildings, pretty folk, street food for, like, next to nada, type things! It’s lit!

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We get to Lamurr Hostel on Sukhumvit, which I highly recommend should you find yourself anywhere around these parts. It’s really just a lovely, modern set-up, and the staff and owner are just cool as fuck, chilled, and down-to-earth vibes. But then, dude! After trying to walk the streets to see if I will see any street jol vibes I’d like to join, I finally give in to the jet lag and go right back to the hostel and into bed. I slept for what felt like eternity!

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Glad I did, but when I woke up, I thought I should do some of the work I still hadn’t done back home, only to whip out my laptop and discover that even though the Thai have made an effort to make their plug points universal, South African plugs are the only ones that don’t fit. Wait, even the receptionist was confused as to why I am even asking for an adapter, because, you know, this is Thailand. Again: they use universal plug points! I guess South Africa is not part of the universe. Amazing! And I thought Zuma was our only problem.

Anyway. I met an awesome Canadian chap by the name of Tony, who was cool enough to take me with to MBK centre, where – no lies – there is EVERYTHING for cheap, cheap. Dude! I even know how to bargain now, thanks to Tony. This one lady was not budging, trying to sell me shorts for 350 baht. I asked if she’d accept 200, and she shook her head, so, me, I just walked off. She was like: “Ok, for you, special price!”

And just like that we were lit!

But let me also tell you why I so desperately needed shorts!

Dude, I know now why backpackers look like they do. Besides the fact that you’re doing a lot of walking, because duh, you’re tourist’ing, the heat here never lets up! Even when it’s cloudy, that skinny-fit jean swag of mine doesn’t work here. It feels like I’m in a wok! I’ll show you later how, I, Mr High Waist now look like just another backpacker boo! Sigh 

Imagine my frustration at not being able to slay with my stick thin waist. Not that it matters here because errbody skinny as fuck. Wait. Some guy at the market even said a small sized garment was too small for me, I needed to take a medium. Shock, horror, swallow! Me? Medium? What????!!!

Anyway. I’ll be updating you on my travels as I go along. For now, I just wanted to say “I’m alive”. Later, Skat!

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Twitter: @Sandiso_N and Snapchat: san_deedlez

By Sandiso Ngubane