It’s probably highly gratifying slam choking Kweens off their heels, reminding them heauxs they ain’t in no Balmain, but are wearing – shock, horror, wait-for-it – H&M!

Dear Miranda Priestly. Kween had absolutely no clue now, ain’t it?!!!

I’ve been laughing along and watching – since that Balmain x H&M drop last week – all of fashion going ape shit about people saying they are wearing Balmain, when in fact they are wearing Balmain for H&M. I’ve witnessed drunken conversations descend to lets-get-loud-about-it, I’ma-cut-you territory because, you know, it’s criminal for people to claim they are wearing Balmain rather than Balmain for H&M (fuck, that was a mouthful).

I don’t know, Emily, are you perhaps just getting emotional about nada here?

I doubt Olivier Rousteing, or his boss Emmanuel Diemoz, care much about that. In fact, I think they are loving the fact that people tripped over each other to get their hands on that limited H&M x Balmain collection. For them, it’s about creating desire, of course. Says Diemoz, as reported by The New Yorker: “The H&M collaboration will make the Balmain customer see how everyone wants Balmain but can’t have it.”

He goes on to add: “Also, so many people now are making money so fast, maybe the H&M customer will soon become the Balmain customer.”

So, I mean, really, the jokes are funny, but this is serious business, making luxury accessible, and I bet that heaux you just tripped off their heels feels good in their fast fashion version of Balmain. Whatchu takin’ a Kween down for though? So you can feel good about yourself?

I hear you saying “levels” but I’m pretty sure they are not delusional about the fact that they are wearing H&M Balmain and not Balmain, Balmain, but must they make it clear to you all the fucking time? “Oh no, babes, it’s not the real thing,” as if THAT’s a thing!

LET. A KWEEN. LIVE and fuck outta here acting all Nouveau Riche, tryna keep a Kween out. Who are you? Stephanie Forrester? It really just ain’t necessary, Kween. We ALL know it’s Balmain for H&M. Let’s at least be grateful it ain’t no Small Street fake!

By Sandiso Ngubane

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